How to Be a Better Communicator

So you want to be a better communicator?

You want to have deep conversations. You want to connect with people almost instantaneously. You want to seamlessly build rapport and create meaningful, long-lasting personal and professional relationships.

You are not alone.

We all want to be great conversationalists.

We want to be able to encapsulate people with our words, thoughts, and opinions. We want to communicate our message with authority. Most of all, though, we want people to acknowledge and understand us, and in some cases, we want to understand other people.

The medium for that will always be conversation.

So if we are all seeking meaningful conversations, why aren’t they easier to come by?

Sure, sometimes, deep conversations happen effortlessly. If circumstances are appropriate, even the most introverted person can find himself entering a deep exchange of thoughts and ideas with another person who shares his interests.

However, other times it can be difficult to connect.

Building a strong rapport can be taxing. Sometimes, despite years of work, relationships just won’t click. We get caught in the cycle of small talk, and our interactions fail to carry any weight. It’s common, even in long-standing relationships, for couples to feel out of touch.

Raise your hand if your partner ever asked you why you aren’t opening up?

If you want to find the magic key to captivating conversation, if you want to open up and express your ideas with ease and magnetism, you might be tempted to look inward for the answer. You might be tempted to access your communication skills, focus on improving your delivery, or tweak your body language.

Instead, you need to look outward. You must simply ask yourself…

“Are you interested in other people?”

Deep conversation is a symbiotic connection.

In order for two people to connect on a deep and satisfying level, both people need to be emotionally invested. Both people need to be interested in each another. Magnetism depends on two poles.

If you don’t have a genuine interest in other people, relationships will become stale. Your discussions will become limited to small talk because they lack directive. Without emotional buy-in, conversations will never have that magnetic pull.

However, sometimes it can be difficult to become interested in others. When we spend our whole lives surrounded by certain people, they become too familiar. Familiarity breeds disinterest. So, to reignite your interest, you must change the way you see them now.

It’s common in all types of relationships, particularly in long-standing ones, for people to adopt roles, roles that make them unexciting. It’s easy to typecast someone as business partner, lover, gym buddy, or coworker, but aren’t we all so much more than that?

You might feel like you know the people in your life, but I guarantee you that you don’t, at least not completely. Mostly, you know the roles that they play with you. I’m positive of this, because we can spend an entire lifetime with another person and still never know them “completely.”

So to become interested in them again, encourage the people in your life to step out of their roles. Have adventures with them. Try new experiences. Challenge them. If you do, they will reveal new sides of themselves.

When they open up, you will as well. You will unlock the natural human desire to explore and understand the unknown. You will become emotionally invested in what they have to say.

You will flip the energy switch on your pole, and the synergy begins.

Unconsciously, you will mirror their body language. Your breathing will synchronize with theirs. You will use words that they use. You will mimic their voice inflection and posture.

I’m sure you have experienced this before. You have probably have even caught yourself using a phrase that your best friend or family member uses. All that means is that you have the power to connect with people so deeply that it takes place on an unconscious level.

So don’t stress if you are struggling to express yourself. Don’t worry if your conversations have been stale. All you have to do is make one simple change, and they will become electric again.

To be a better communicator, to build strong rapport, all you have to do is recognize the complexity of everyone around you and seek to understand it. It is that simple. When you yearn to understand others, everything you say will be significant, because you will be offering them the one thing that we all seek: a feeling of importance.

To paraphrase the great Dale Carnegie, imagine all the miracles we could achieve if we could give people the one thing they go insane for… importance. 

You can be a better communicator. You just have to be interested in conversation first. To be interested in the conversation, you have to be interested in the person.

So do your best to get out of your own head and cultivate an interest in other people. Make that small change, and the rest will handle itself.

You’re already here reading this article, which shows you have the desire to communicate meaningfully. You already yearn for depth.

Now you just have to get of your own way.

Place your focus outwards; there are a lot of beautiful people out there.

3 thoughts on “How to Be a Better Communicator

    • That’s a great question. I think the difference between importance and validation is, validation can only provided to a person who is seeking it. Importance is something that can be given to anyone, anywhere, at anytime. The lesson here, as I’m sure you have already discovered, is to let people know that you respect them and their interests unconditionally. Show them that they are important to you. Doing that will make them feel significant, which is a great gift to give.

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